Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize