It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he fucked my hip out of place.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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