Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
