You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize