dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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