Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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