The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize