I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
