so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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