I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
