God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize