Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
