Did you just see the Batmobile???
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
