Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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