He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
