Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
