Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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