I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
