He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
