I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
