How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
ok first of all what the fuck
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
