I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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