I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
