marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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