three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
