I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
