You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
