My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
