oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I would fuck him just for his dog
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
