She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
