just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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