All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
