My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
