I wanna passion pit in your ass
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
