Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize