did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry my hands just texted you
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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