normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize