Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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