Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
