i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
