So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
