he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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