You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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