I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
