So drunk, too bad you don't want this
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
