White coat. Heels.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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