Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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