It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
