when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
