and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize