He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
