I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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