Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I could make wine with my vomit
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
