I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
