so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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