I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Found the puke drawer
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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