I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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