you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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