I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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