is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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