I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
