I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
