I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
