im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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