His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
