I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize