I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
