I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
