she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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